like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
