She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
