Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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