In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize