Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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