you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize