I'm jealous of your bromance
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
