I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Randomize
