The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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