What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
