Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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