You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
