Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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