Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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