I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
