i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
