I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
