he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
