If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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