Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
