Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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