after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A bitchslap is in order.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
