dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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