4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
