listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
