guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
