I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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