I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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