Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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