he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
