I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
