Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize