sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
