this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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