Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You know, be my cock's hype man.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
