Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
