Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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