ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
