corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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