yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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