No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
