are you so shy because you have an std?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
