She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
