i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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