I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
