Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
As shirtless as possible
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
