so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
