Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
