Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
and she was petting her beer can
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
