I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
