Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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