meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
