dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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