I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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