I'm really into asian looking animals
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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