Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
