I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
