A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
