I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have aggressive nipples.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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