Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
