I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
