It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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