she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Mom said you looked used
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
