Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
