So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
