Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm like, not good at living.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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